One month later...after trying 6 months to get pregnant and having a miscarriage...only one month and I was pregnant again. Wow, what a relief, we had started thinking maybe something was wrong with us, even though we had our son, we were wondering why it was so hard this second time around, but I think it had more to do with God teaching me patience and to trust Him than anything else. So the next month I was pregnant, maybe God knew I'd learned my lesson on patience, not perfectly, still more work to do on me I'm sure, but since my miscarriage I'm not as anxious about the future...wishing to speed up the time and always looking ahead to something better, if I was still that way I'd be driving my husband crazy about moving back to the country, complaining about living in town and not being content with where I am right now (I guess we would have to ask Brian about that to be sure if I don't complain about it as much now...lol)...not to say I don't still want to go back to the farm life and I still pray that someday I will be able to raise my children in the country, but I know that when the time is right God will work that out for us too and I'm waiting as patiently as I can for that time to come when I can once again breathe in that fresh country air everyday. Anyway, I took a little detour there from my story...so now maybe I did learn my lesson on patience, but worry and trusting God, I still needed help with that, we were totally delighted that I was pregnant, a little cautious about being excited though, what if I miscarried again, once it's happened it could happen again right, those first weeks fear seemed to have a hold on me that I couldn't shake, I prayed so hard every day, every night, I prayed, I hoped I wouldn't lose this baby, I prayed I would still trust God if I did, I prayed when I'd wake in the middle of the night worried that maybe did I feel cramping oh wait it's okay...I need to trust God AGAIN...why don't I remember that God will always see me through no matter what happens, so I talked it out with my dear mother and sisters and decided that once again I would let my worry go and just trust God with my baby. I hung onto that hope with all my might that I would soon have a healthy normal baby and that everything would be fine. I secretly (and sometimes not so secretly) hoped in my heart that this time it would be a girl. I knew I would be happy with another boy and would love him just like I do my son Colton. I also knew that this longing for a daughter would never go away and so I kept hoping. Once I was past the first trimester, I finally allowed myself to become excited and believed that yes I would carry this baby to term. We started talking about names. I love picking out names for my unborn babies, most mothers do I'm sure. I had name ideas even when I was a teen, in fact one name especially that I had picked out when I dreamed of becoming a mommy. That name was Cherish! I like unique names, I guess that came from my mom, but my husband leans more toward normal names...we both liked the name Nadia, because it means "hopeful and blessed" and this baby was very much hoped for! My husband wanted the middle name to be Dawn like mine and I wanted the middle name to be Hope...for again obvious reasons. My husband didn't like Hope though, so we kept going back and forth between Cherish and Nadia. My husband kept saying you'll know when the baby is born which is the right name, I wasn't too convinced of that though, I mean really?! While I was pregnant we kept trying to figure out if the baby was a boy or girl, but everytime we had an ultrasound they couldn't tell for sure. One doctor told me it looked like it might be a girl, but don't paint the room pink, so I didn't want to get my hopes up too high and tell everyone that it was a girl when it could still end up being a boy. We did pick out a great boy name just in case too. So to make a long story short...well 9 months long to be exact...as most of you know, I did have a baby girl and as soon as I saw and held her, my husband was right, I knew this precious, most perfect baby girl had to have the name Cherish, this long-awaited, much wanted, prayed for, hoped for baby of mine and so I said her middle name should mean hopeful and my husband still wanted Dawn. So we named her Cherish Nadia Dawn! And now you know why she is our hope and our little blessing from God! (Praise and thankfulness to God) May I now learn to cherish each day and each moment with this little miracle God has given me, to remember on sleepless nights and long tiring busy days that I wanted and prayed for both of these beautiful children that God has given me only for a short time. I want to raise my children to know, love, and serve God and to look forward to the hope of heaven where there will be no more sorrow, pain, or death. In the meantime I will try to keep on trusting God, because He knows the plans He has for us as the bible says and He knows the desires of our hearts! He always keeps His promises!
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" Psalms 37:4 And also Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope."
This is beautiful Crystal. So inspiring.
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