Natural Mother?

It was the middle of the night, my hubby was laying next to me sleeping soundly and snoring, I was wide awake and in lots of pain, having the hardest contractions I'd had yet with this pregnancy...I was 9 months pregnant with my baby boy, Colton. This was the moment I'd been praying for most of my life, to become a mother and hold my own baby in my arms! I was so excited and a little nervous, I was bleeding and wasn't sure if that was normal or not, so I woke up my husband and said "I think it's time", I was wrong. I ended up going 10 days past my due date and being in labor off and on for a week before having my baby. We finally went to the hospital when I couldn't stand the pain any longer. When we arrived the nurse said to walk up and down the halls for awhile, I was like is this a joke, because I'd been walking all day that day trying to get my contractions closer and more regular, but like a good patient, me and my husband walked some more. Soon we headed back to the room and they let me get in a warm bath...ahhh much better for a little while. I was in hard and heavy labor for 24 hours, until the baby's heartbeat started going down, now they were getting worried and I didn't think I could handle anymore pain, the worse pain I've ever felt in my life. My midwife said that normally she wouldn't opt for a c-section, but there was definitely something wrong. She was right, we found out later the cord was wrapped around his neck twice and his head was turned sideways, it was like he was getting hung in there every time I had a contraction. I didn't even dilate beyond 5 even after being in hard labor for that long of time. It was such a disappointment to me to have a c-section. I'd always wanted to do everything "naturally". I dreamed of being a "natural mother", having my babies all natural and of course breastfeeding them, but things didn't go the way I'd always planned. But when I first saw and held my baby boy, I knew that we had made the right decision and having him alive was more important to me than having him the natural way. Then there was another issue, my milk would not come in and he was losing weight fast, he was so sleepy and wouldn't latch on very good, no matter how much I tried and tried. Finally the nurses gave him a bottle of formula, I cried feeling like I had failed as a mother. I was so discouraged that nothing seemed to be going the way I thought it was suppose to be. All I wanted was to nurse my baby...why did it have to be so difficult? After that first bottle of formula, I was determined that I would provide my baby with Mommy's milk even if it was not the natural way. I believed in the nutrition it would give my baby and so I started pumping and pumping, at first nothing came, but I didn't give up, finally my milk came in and wow I didn't have any issue with making milk then, I was like a milk cow with plenty to feed my baby...he still wouldn't latch on, but at least I was giving him what was important, even if he had to receive it through a bottle instead. Thankfully the hospital was a very strong advocate of breastfeeding and the lactation consultants and nurses were such a wonderful help to me, if it wasn't for all of them and my husband's support and encouragement I think I might have given up. But I didn't...the hospital staff were very impressed with how determined I was to breastfeed and that I persevered through all the issues...one thing that made it very tough to nurse my baby, was that Colton had to be on antibiotics for a staph infection he developed, it's hard to nurse when your baby has all kinds of "cords and wires" attached to him. We were in the hospital for around three weeks, until he was completely better. Once we finally arrived home to our little travel trailer, I diligently kept pumping and also trying to get him to latch on, I was not going to give up, I told myself I would not stop pumping milk for my baby and I would keep trying to get him to latch on. Finally one day he really latched on for the first time, I can't describe to you the joy and excitement I felt, but it was still an uphill climb from there, I pumped and fed him breastmilk in a bottle on the times he wouldn't nurse and praised the Lord the times he would actually nurse, this lasted until he was 8 months old. It was one of the toughest things I've ever done, but I'm so happy that I kept with it and finally after 8 months he decided he much preferred Mommy to a bottle and never again did he want milk from a bottle. I nursed him until he was two years old and when I weaned him he went straight from breast to sippy cup. When I look back and see how many times I felt like a failure in my motherhood, I do know and believe that I did something for my baby that I can be very proud of and my husband has a new respect for me! I hoped though that when I had another baby that I wouldn't have to have to deal with that, I still wanted to be able to nurse my baby from birth with no bottles involved. So when I was pregnant with my baby girl, Cherish, I prayed and prayed that this time around I would be able to breastfeed with no issues. After she was born, I was able to hold her sooner, on my request and from support from my midwife and was able to try and nurse her, she didn't latch on right away and I was worried that it was going to happen again, but I'm happy to say it didn't take long, with a little help from my nurses and me, she figured it out right away and started breastfeeding wonderfully! When I was home, it was amazing to me how much easier it was to feed my baby...I feel so very blessed, it feels like finally my body is doing what it was made to do, it feels so natural to feed my baby the way God intended babies to be fed! She is four months old now and she is still nursing naturally...with no bottles in sight!